Is Your Relationship on a Road to Nowhere?
by Evie Shafner, LMFT
Most of us long to be in a loving, committed relationship. So if we are starting to get some internal signals that tell us that our current partner might not be the right person for us, the instinct is to close our eyes to the things we see, to start rationalizing, to make a deal with the devil, so to speak, and stay put. But being willing to see the truth with open eyes is one of the keys to not staying with someone we shouldn't and making a mess out of our lives because we were too afraid to sat goodbye. So what are some of the signs that you are in a dead-end relationship?
- You are aware that your partner is not empathetic and always gets defensive if you try to talk to them. If you don't have empathy, you don't have anything.
- Your partner limits contact, you feel marginalized and not important most of the time. Perhaps this is the "they're just not that in to you" category. We have to face the truth about that and not tolerate settling for crumbs.
- You were initially attracted physically, but don't end up feeling there is a person of substance there to connect with.
- Your partner is very reactive - more than warrants the situation. If you think it's bad now....
- Accepting differences is part of being a grown-up. In our primary relationship there will always be differences, but if your partner cannot handle it if you don't agree with them, that is a major red flag.
- Your values and beliefs are so polarized. If you can't bear to live with someone who thinks your ideas aren't valid- don’t!
- You find yourself wanting space a lot. It’s the opposite of feeling like you can't get enough of your partner or can't wait to see them at the end of the day. Maybe in your head you want to be partnered, but your body is telling you something different.
- You don't feel like you can be yourself. You feel anxious, or have the feeling you are walking on eggshells. Run for the hills!
- Your partner is super clingy or super controlling and you can't talk to them about it. Run for the hills again!
- You don't feel loved and cherished much of the time. You don't get the feeling your partner is thrilled to be in the world with you. You’ve been together 3 years and they still don't introduce you as their boyfriend/girlfriend- please!
- Your family and friends all are warning you. Take a hard look.
- You don't have that total green light feeling of seeing a future together. Your body keeps giving you a yellow or red signal instead of green.
- You seem to be the only one in the relationship who understands that you have to work on things, the only one who wants to bring conscious intentionality to your communication.
It is so important to marry the right person! Seek the truth and listen to your instincts. They will save you.