When I am asked questions about the things that men should and shouldn’t do in a relationship, I always get a little stopped in my tracks. First of all, many of these things apply to all of us- characteristics of a mature, kind, conscious partner; then, how does this question translate to gay marriages? And, the gender gap has gotten so much smaller - men are encouraged to be more sensitive, and woman more powerful and self sufficient.

But I do believe in the archetypal patterns in our souls and there are the gender difference in our DNA that attract us and then sometimes repel us. So here is a short list of the best gifts men can give their partners:

The biggest gift you can give your partner is you. You give your partner the gift of your presence. You give your time and attention. You listen with a kind and open ear. She has access to you. Studies show that men who are married are healthier and Iive longer, because women provide the emotional current that adds life and connection. So you value that part of her, even if you are wired differently.

I think what it means to be a man in this way is that you are all in, willing to ride the waves, and not wavering in your commitment. You are loyal and faithful. You don't play victim during the hard times, you understand this is part of marriage. You have taken a total stand for your relationship, unwavering, and she knows it.

She feels desired by you. You compliment her, touch her and you are her person in the world.  

You are there, wanting to protect her and take care of her. She experiences what life is like when you have a reliable someone to lean on when you need it

Part of being in a healthy relationship is that we don't look to our partner for everything. You have your own interests, healthy boundaries and you're happy and supportive of her having the same. 

Ok, we know communicating is harder for men, but, here are the main points: you communicate with no defensiveness and no blame, and you can apologize, and be vulnerable.

 

All in all, you offer a "Stand By Me" kind of love, warts and all. A shot heard round the world happened with the phrase “Happy Wife, Happy Life,” one of those simple sayings that hold enormous truth. Research has shown that when the women are happy, men report living much happier lives. Think of it as what you put out comes back to you - in spades!