<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" version="2.0"><channel><title><![CDATA[Evie Shafner, LMFT]]></title><description><![CDATA[Healing Hearts, Strengthening Relationships]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/articles</link><generator>RSS for Node</generator><lastBuildDate>Thu, 12 Nov 2026 12:54:10 GMT</lastBuildDate><atom:link href="https://www.evieshafner.com/blog-feed.xml" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml"/><item><title><![CDATA[Does Your Partner Have the Goods to Go the Distance?]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT The desire to find our person in life is a powerful one, one could say an almost universal one. We are hard-wired for connection and the need to belong. That is why we sometimes cling to someone, even if our gut is telling us all is not well. We are willing to “make a deal with the devil,” and rationalize to avoid the pain of disconnect. So perhaps getting really clear on what qualities will make for a joyful, ongoing partnership can help us make a conscious decision at...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/does-your-partner-have-the-goods-to-go-the-distance</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6ad703b2a1a9e63e33fdde52</guid><pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 06:04:35 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_bfb8e7f92887479d9c2d16985c37761f~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[How to Make Your Partner Feel that Love]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT What are some small things you can do to make your partner feel appreciated? I always refer to the four critical moments as a place to start with this. The four critical moments are: when you first wake up, when you say goodbye for the day, when you first see each other at the end of the day, and when you say goodnight. To do this this exercise, each partner writes what words and physical affection they would want at those 4 moments and give your list to your partner....]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/how-to-make-your-partner-feel-that-love</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6ad702fc700e63f30e474746</guid><pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 06:00:16 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_a5b11315edb44be6a28c06b17d1fa452~mv2.webp/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Have You Lost That Loving Feeling?]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT The space between you and your partner defines the energy of your relationship. Does it feel alive, as in “I can't wait to see you at the end of the day, your voice is my favorite sound, I'm so grateful to go through life with you?” Or does it feel like ”I don't feel that connected to you. You disappoint me. Things feel dead between us.” If you feel the later, the space between is not the place you most want to hang.  In Imago Relationship Therapy we call this the...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/have-you-lost-that-loving-feeling</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6ad70246a1a9e63e33fddb4e</guid><pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 05:57:42 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_426969fe17864b7cabfff6cb8d57dac7~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Turtles and Hailstorms]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT Some of us, when we feel triggered, hurt, or misunderstood by our partner, we follow them from room to room, text them all day long, and want to keep processing until things feel repaired and the connection is restored. Some of us, when we feel triggered, hurt, etc, we do the opposite. We withdraw, we get quiet, we don't want to talk, maybe we go into the computer room and ice our partner out. Usually when I start describing this to couples in my office, there are smiles...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/turtles-and-hailstorms</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6ad700f5cf358735cfc6fb15</guid><pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 05:54:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_909663674bf54f87bb0771c46153f0f5~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Happy Wife, Happy Life]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT When I am asked questions about the things that men should and shouldn’t do in a relationship, I always get a little stopped in my tracks. First of all, many of these things apply to all of us- characteristics of a mature, kind, conscious partner; then, how does this question translate to gay marriages? And, the gender gap has gotten so much smaller - men are encouraged to be more sensitive, and woman more powerful and self sufficient. But I do believe in the archetypal...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/happy-wife-happy-life</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6ad7002acf358735cfc6f917</guid><pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 05:48:49 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_2f33e5446c14431283a3db7094f3abe1~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Ways to be More Mindful]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT The definition of mindfulness is paying attention, moment by moment, to whatever is arising in us, without judgement, and with compassion. In this way, we are not resisting the present moment however we are experiencing it. And when we give up resisting, we find peace. The art of accepting ourselves, and others becomes a path to peace and self-acceptance. I often wonder, if the whole world practiced some form of mindfulness practice, then no one would have to act out...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/ways-to-be-more-mindful</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6ad5c5dc28129433d6dcc4fa</guid><pubDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 05:45:21 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_0ebee65e9f0b44d6bef3bd5e8a495036~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[It’s All About the Little Things]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT When we are in the romantic beginnings of a relationship, when we are enchanted with our partner, when we are hoping and praying they will become our person in the world - so much of our focus is on letting our partner know they are the ongoing object of our affection. We look at them with love in our eyes, heap words of love and appreciation, send loving texts- you know that phase... But once we are secure in our relationship, the commitment solidified, we start...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/it-s-all-about-the-little-things</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6acf3350637e824124df91dc</guid><pubDate>Wed, 14 Oct 2026 07:48:55 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_6c3bfe45d772477895a485271c18ce29~mv2.jpeg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Five Things to Discuss with Your Fiancé BeforeWalking Down the Aisle ]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT During the starry-eyed romantic beginnings of relationships, we don't always want to talk about more sober issues; they can highlight differences, bring up disagreements and be painful discussions. However, we know that the ability to talk about the (maybe) hard things is part of a sign we're with a good partner. There are many articles that talk about WHAT to talk about - the obvious ones, like, how do you deal with money, how many kids do you want, how important is sex...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/five-things-to-discuss-with-your-fianc%C3%A9-beforewalking-down-the-aisle</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6ace864aa69f56b91413e0f0</guid><pubDate>Tue, 13 Oct 2026 19:38:39 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_b49be7923a6b4ba3a6af79574a9d50cc~mv2.webp/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[The Power of Kindness]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."  the Dali Lama I’ve been feeling very lucky lately-I showed the quote above to my husband, and he decided to make it his manifesto without telling me. As kind and loving as our relationship has (mostly) been, I started feeling the difference right away - I guess you could say it upped the sense of emotional safety. It’s the small things - like being patient when I am moving furniture for the 10th time in 2 weeks - or...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/the-power-of-kindness</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6ace7db8637e824124de421e</guid><pubDate>Tue, 13 Oct 2026 18:57:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/11062b_ea955375bddd44e9bd38fb2931d3b342~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Mindful Connection Between Partners]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT Kind, conscious, mature communication, especially when we are upset with our partners, is the insurance policy for a loving, happy connection that goes the distance. And by mature, I mean, not reacting like a tantruming child who hasn’t learned the art of self-regulation yet. It’s simple, but not always easy, especially when you are in the thick of a heated argument. Mindful communication between partners is making a conscious decision to act separately from how we may...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/mindful-connection-between-partners</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6ac7f3f0cf2d4a13b80854ce</guid><pubDate>Fri, 09 Oct 2026 08:07:36 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_4a47aba51ad04d6189166863464b89e4~mv2.avif/v1/fit/w_1000,h_830,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Do Soulmates Exist and Do I Need One?]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT The concept of a soulmate is filled with beautiful romantic notions that there is a god-given person chosen just for you. It’s such a lovely, spiritual image, one that we might not want to part with. But is there a down side to this concept? Thinking that there is that one perfect person gives us the idea that they will be perfect in every way, so that when the normal struggles of a long term relationship come up, we may discard the person, and go looking for that "stars...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/do-soulmates-exist-and-do-i-need-one</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6ac7f22eb89f0f638e3a5c23</guid><pubDate>Thu, 08 Oct 2026 19:44:59 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_e6dfe98192e446a3a0d9806a38b7652b~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_797,h_652,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Let’s Talk Baggage]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT Let’s talk baggage. Not the cute leather kind that every girl needs, but the emotional baggage that we all carry with us from relationship to relationship. Typically, when we talk about baggage, we think of red flags and deal breakers. But every human being carries "baggage," and healthy relationships can allow people to open up about their complexities and pasts, and learn how to drop some of that baggage at the door for good. What kind of "baggage" is healthy and...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/let-s-talk-baggage</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6ac741b2269eeec3fe41c5e9</guid><pubDate>Thu, 08 Oct 2026 07:11:45 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_b3a92bfcc64241a5a9cf87c0d083d1c5~mv2.png/v1/fit/w_854,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Is Your Relationship on a Road to Nowhere?]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT Most of us long to be in a loving, committed relationship. So if we are starting to get some internal signals that tell us that our current partner might not be the right person for us, the instinct is to close our eyes to the things we see, to start rationalizing, to make a deal with the devil, so to speak, and stay put. But being willing to see the truth with open eyes is one of the keys to not staying with someone we shouldn't and making a mess out of our lives...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/is-your-relationship-on-a-road-to-nowhere</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6ac740e18e01e25852d3125f</guid><pubDate>Thu, 08 Oct 2026 07:08:43 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_9b9d55922ff349edbd94ee901bf24d80~mv2.webp/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Is Your Partner Relationship Ready?                    ]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT It’s so tempting when we enter that delicious romantic honeymoon phase with a new love to overlook negative qualities and characteristics of our new partner that down the line might prove to be a deal breaker. Here are some red flags to look out for at the beginning of a relationship to determine if a new partner is relationship ready: Empathy. I always tell my clients, if you don’t have empathy, you don’t have anything. Maybe your partner gets defensive sometimes, or...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/is-your-partner-relationship-ready</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6ac71e7c2526eefdb7fec231</guid><pubDate>Thu, 08 Oct 2026 06:24:16 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_8091f5a0712a4576b2acaec57a774f13~mv2.png/v1/fit/w_640,h_427,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Ignoring The Little Things Is Why Marriages Die]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT Don't let the daily stress of life keep you from showing your spouse some affection. When we are in the romantic beginnings of a relationship, when we are enchanted with our partner, when we are hoping and praying they will become our person in the world — so much of our focus is on letting our partner know they are the ongoing object of our affection. We look at them with love in our eyes, heap words of love and appreciation, send loving texts — you know that phase. But...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/ignoring-the-little-things-is-why-marriages-die</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6ac71cb82526eefdb7febf52</guid><pubDate>Thu, 08 Oct 2026 04:35:28 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_1c6aed0291e34285ae4f38241f1347e9~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_774,h_386,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Do You Have a Climate of Compassion in Your Marriage?]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT Compassion is THE healing energy of life, so it behooves us all to practice it in the place we live every day- our life with our partner. My husband and I adopted a quote from the Dalai Lama as the mission and working principle of our marriage, "Be Kind Whenever Possible. It is ALWAYS possible." Even if you adopted this all by yourself you could transform the energy that lives in the space between yourself and the space you share with your partner.  Using this as your...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/do-you-have-a-climate-of-compassion-in-your-marriage</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6ac718d660b96c0e2671946c</guid><pubDate>Thu, 08 Oct 2026 04:19:46 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_04356b14dc5e4649b9550a7ababa8e7d~mv2.webp/v1/fit/w_640,h_480,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[How to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT There are so many positive suggestions about how to divorce-proof your marriage. As an Imago Relationship therapist for over 25 years, I have seen many marriages go the distance, and there are definitely some key things that those that make it have in common. 1) It's ok to go to bed angry sometimes. We all know what it's like to be in the thick of a disagreement with our partner late at night; we are exhausted, and we stay up till 2 in the morning going round and round,...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/how-to-divorce-proof-your-marriage</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6ac71566a64b51554c28b2d9</guid><pubDate>Thu, 08 Oct 2026 04:10:10 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_2afbba5d1283429f904bd3dc7eb9e11f~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Setting Relationship Goals for the New Year]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT The old adage "whatever you focus on expands" has perhaps no more wisdom than in the realm of our intimate relationships. And since, biologically, we have a brain that is wired to look for what's wrong as a way to stay safe and alive, retraining ourselves to keep focusing on what's good about our partner can be our most transformative relationship goal for the New Year. Though I'm not a huge believer in resolutions, I do believe that becoming conscious and intentional...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/top-strategies-for-healthy-relationships-and-conflict-resolution</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a974d77dc7f71450b48d4c3</guid><pubDate>Tue, 01 Sep 2026 22:11:03 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_604f4fbbf08d446eb9a7fb9e5b7d0481~mv2.jpeg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Is Your Partner Emotionally Invested Enough In Your Relationship?]]></title><description><![CDATA[by Evie Shafner, LMFT It takes time to get to know someone - that's what the dating period is for. And you can't rush things, either, things need air and space to bloom. In the beginning of a relationship there is so much promise and excitement and our partner may have initially came in very strong, which opens up our dreams for the future.  This can make it hard to tell ourselves the truth down the road if things aren't going well anymore. But a vote for yourself is one in which you are...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/understanding-imago-therapy-for-couples-communication</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a974d77dc7f71450b48d4c1</guid><pubDate>Tue, 01 Sep 2026 22:11:03 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_03ea3cc7931f4a61821dd8026eeb7234~mv2.avif/v1/fit/w_1000,h_832,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Why Our Present Relationships Mimic Our Past Ones ]]></title><description><![CDATA[By Evie Shafner, LMFT Why is it that we seem only to be attracted to someone who at some point is going to make us nuts, trigger us in some very specific and concrete ways like nobody else can?! And not only that, it seems that the things that attracted us the most are the things that make us the most nuts later on. What on earth would be the purpose of that? Well, if you buy the idea that life seems to be about growing, learning, bettering ourselves in all kinds of ways then that means...]]></description><link>https://www.evieshafner.com/post/explore-couples-therapy-with-evie-shafner-lmft</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a974d7b4d2406baf6a42b26</guid><pubDate>Mon, 01 Dec 2025 23:11:07 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/a328a6_62a3746c64a24c83a478d6f01688466a~mv2.webp/v1/fit/w_1000,h_854,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Evie Shafner</dc:creator></item></channel></rss>